watching

Now get on your hands and knees, he says.

I look at his face, smiling, and then I turn and comply without a word, sinking my palms into his bed as he positions himself behind me.

He pulls me up from the waist and pushes down on my back suddenly. My naked ass gets thrust up and my head bows down like a human seesaw. Moaning, I stay as I am.

He disappears behind me, and I don’t look to see where he’s gone. I just wait, head still down, ass in air, breath shortening in anticipation, feeling deliciously exposed.

Do you see? he says when he returns. I lift my head up and look to where he’s looking.

We are in the mirror on his side wall.

Can you see? he says.

Yes.

All I can really see is my ass, an unfamiliar pear of an ass, gripped by his hands on either side. All I can see is him, straight and tall over me, the muscles of his body a wall to fall backwards into. And I watch him begin to fall over and over into me instead, anchored by his arms and knees, the beginnings of my back tensing with pleasure at one edge of the mirror.

All I can see is this pushing and pushing again, this taking and taking again. This is all I can see, and I wonder if I should ask for us to move down so I can see more, see my face.

Look, he says.

I stare, transfixed, my neck twisted towards the mirror. He’s watching together with me. I realize this is all I want to see. I want to watch myself like I’m not there, see the part of my body getting fucked with no other part of me present. So it could be any woman he's hammering away hard into in recurring slaps. It could be anyone, except the burning satisfying heat I feel from this action that I’m watching is in my cunt, is mine.

Do you see?, he asks again.

Yes.

And I don’t stop seeing, even after he pushes my head gently back into the bed.