again

The thought of the call has been growing on me day by day.

The bewilderment and trepidation and self-consciousness has worn off bit by bit. I'm still a little overwhelmed but still all there.

Actually I'm in a twist of arousal right now. I want to sit down and write more about the call, the parts that turned me on. But I start to write it in my head and then it just fires off inside me before I can put aything down. I'm thinking of hearing her like that, I'm thinking of how T led my hand onto her, I'm thinking of T fucking her, I'm thinking of waiting to be fucked by him, oh i don't know, it's all there. Even T's call afterwards was pretty fucking crazy. Hot and heavy.

No wonder it's all felt a bit like a question. Did that just happen? What just happened? Is this me?

(It's so weird too not to have anyone to share it with. Sometimes this blog is all that keeps me sane. I wish I knew more people I could pick up a phone and talk about this with.

Although sometimes I admit it amuses me, because I'm a bit of a smart-aleck smug secretive so-and-so that way. So what have you been up to lately? Oh I dunno, nothing much really. )

And now I'm sitting here, just really burning, really needing to pick up the phone and call him. Except he has a friend over and I have no clear idea of what I want to say.

In the true manner of someone who has stepped off a thrill ride and finds she has survived , all I can think is: again, again.

Adrenaline junkie?

I want to do it again. More.

I might even keep my eyes open next time.