tense and turbid

Has it already been a week?

This was a fun time. Managed not to drop the camera in the bath, was pretty proud. There were many more photos with many more naked parts showing. But in the end my love affair with water won out.

My hips
moving perturbing
the liquid the surface
breaking over
washing me softly the shadows
swirling and
for a moment only

My thighs
stilled

Has it really been a week already?

I think I must come full cycle ever week, because I am a bit down again. A little mellow melancholy.

There've been developments with T and girl. Made me hot to hear of it, made me cum without touching myself. Then next day made me a little thoughtful. Then I tried to express these thoughts to him in an uncharacteristic blurt. He told me that he didn't want to seem insensitive, but there seemed to be a double standard in what I had just said. I said yes I knew, kind of. I knew the most secure and noble and consistent of thoughts it was not. I didn't think it was a big deal though, just a feeling, not fully justified, but still there.

Are confusions and contradictions double standards?, I thought to myself. Hmm. Did he mean one standard for him, and another standard for me? Or both for me, just for different situations. And then I didn't know what more to say. Just when I thought of what more I could say, after a long silence, he left.

I shouldn't be so mysterious about it but I am too wary of it and to weary overall to give the whole picture, and without the whole picture it makes no sense.

It was such a hot orgasm though. I hope I sort this out in my mind, so I can savor it more.

I have a weakness for unfinished conversations with any hint of conflict in them. They prey on my mind, put my life on hold until I can go finish them, bring them to some kind of resolution.

I know it is because I place everything on edges still and I need to stop. My thoughts, on the tenterhooks of maybes and whatifs, do not take well to even the slightest of nudges. Every connection I feel, I am always afraid will flip over on me.

And moments, they scare me most of all. Will I kill a good moment with an after-thought? Will I ruin it in retrospect?

Swaying and rocking. I know I should let go.

Slowly. I'm calm, mostly.

The strangest part is I am still unbearably horny. My arousal on edge too. I could place a hand right now and cum in less than a minute.

I need my cunt split by his cock, but this want feels rocky when he is even a little upset with me in any way.

I went to bed naked last night, which isn't very common for me. I just needed to lie down and feel my skin on my cold paisley-flowered sheets. I wanted the satisfaction of my nipples puffed up hard between my fingers. I stroked at my breasts and hips and stomach in drowsy comfort. And fell asleep.

I hope we get to talk today.

Hmm. Funny, he just came online... Here it goes.

Happy HNT!