complain complain complain

I know this is a horrible way to make a return but this is for my sake, I really need an all-out bitching session right now. I promise there are more fantasies and stories on its way though.

The men in my life seem to be acting up.
Of course since none of these guys know each other, it is more likely that I am acting up, and reacting to them....
I talk to X now and then. We have less and less to say to each other every time. Still I'm going to be in town very soon and I thought I would ask if he wanted to meet up. It's been 2 months since our breakup, I thought we're probably ready for it, though now that I think of it, I'm not exactly sure why I want to. Just to see if I can do it? I was kind of nervous about it but I went ahead and asked. His response was to tell me to bring one of his videotapes I still have.
:S
I'm glad he reminded me and all, I just could have used a 'sure that sounds good, how bout this time or this place' or a 'no i'm busy' or even 'no i don't want to' or SOMETHING first.... But he didn't tell me anything.. Presumably he wants to meet since I have to bring the videotape.. But then he leaves the conversation, says he has to go read the news... and argh yes I know, it's not the biggest of deals... basically he still gets under my skin..so now i have to wait to see if we'll meet..well he can call, i've done my part. That's a lie, I'll probably call again when I'm in town.
And then, this guy I've been chatting with on the internet seems to have took it upon himself to send a book and a cd to my office. I didn't give him my address. He didn't ask. Didn't even warn me that he was going to send it. Nice gesture or creepy? It makes me damn uncomfortable, and now I have to figure out what to tell him about it...
And then of course there is T, lovely fuckable T. Lovely fuckable T who I've been waiting to fuck for 6 weeks. And still counting. I thought it would be this week but nope. I am not so much annoyed with him as at the situation. Although it would help if he did give me a day or time when he is free, he just keeps saying 'I miss you, we need a really good visit soon' and then not giving me any definite info as to when, even when I ask. And I can't keep asking cos then I just feel demanding.
I keep wondering too.. I wonder if T has been getting sex elsewhere, and if that's why it's less urgent for him to make a plan. I have to admit that does leave me a little resentful, not because he's getting sex, but because I'm not and currently he's my only source for it. I can't really complain though, I knew from the beginning that there would be this unequal power balance (if you will) between us. And I'm still not ready to just go pick up a guy at a bar, or meet with someone new over the internet. Maybe later, but not quite yet.
I realise what this is. I've just entered a new stage of my horniness: the bitchy stage. I was happily horny at the beginning, playing with myself and revelling in the horn. :) Then I was tortuous horny where I tortured myself with wonderful thoughts of the sex I could be having. But it was a fun torture, just a nice building up of tension.
And now, it's not so fun anymore. I'm just plain irritable and disgruntled hehe. I'm tired of this indefinite waiting.
This is probably too much information, but it doesn't help that my hormones seem to be out of whack lately and for 22 days of this past month I've been bleeding !! Doctors won't do much, guess they see it all the time. They did the standard most basic tests for infection and pregnancy.. They won't even test for anything like a hormonal imbalance due to other (some of them serious) conditions unless it happens to you for at least 4 months in a row. They recommend that I....wait. And see what happens. Hmm where have I heard that before? I'm not very worried about it, but when something in my body doesn't seem to be working quite right, it always leaves me antsy.
That's the ironic part out of all this, that even if T did give me a time, I don't really know if I'll be in any position to be having sex. Well a little bleeding should be fine, but.. if it increases...should I? shouldn't I? And of course it's up to him too... and it's just awkward talking about it with a guy you've only seen a couple of times over two months. Hell, it's kinda weird typing about it here.
AND I'm getting a roommate next week.. so no more random sex in various locations of the house and making as much noise as I want.
I think I'm done now.
I know partly the problem is that in the past two weeks I've really started to include T in my fantasies. I started off doing it cos I thought I was going to see him soon and it would have added heat to our encounter. Letting him in that way would definitely make our (currently elusive) time together more fun. But it's different than a normal never-gonna-happen fantasy. Knowing that these things I think of could actually happen, and that they haven't yet is what's driving me crazy.
So I've decided to pull back a bit, retreat back into just enjoying me. I'm gonna go buy myself a new set of matching bra and panties, new just for myself, for me to see. Buy that Durex tingling lubricant that I remember Anna recommending... And I'm definitely going to finally invest in a new hand-held showerhead and maybe even a vibrator, probably a bullet one, haven't really decided which kind I want yet.
This could be fun! :)