Tuesday, June 13, 2006

11. when we can -give in

Dear T,

You held me for a little bit after we decided we would not have sex after all, and I was very surprised to find that I drifted off into sleep like that for a little while. It was my first and only time falling asleep in a cuddle with anyone. Strange, because it was when you were the most strange to me.

We woke up the next morning, my bare ass lay sidled against your arm and I did not move it, moved it, did not move it, kept it there, then not there, then there again, as I started to wake up.

And you fucked me after all didn’t you? You rolled me on my stomach suddenly, snarling something about your soft ass on me, such a tease.

I was deleriously glad in my drowsiness, my heart pounding out of control.

A sample, you joked, to help you decide. I’d never been fucked like that before. In full knowledge. In complete control.

Were you attempting to protect me from this the night before, from where we are now? From the way I write to you now?

It’s ok, it still doesn’t matter.

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