Dear T,
You have been calling me still to come together with me. You call me and it is the same still. I forget to close my door fully as I rush to lie myself on my bed, ready to hear you.
You need the distraction. You feed off of women, you have admitted it yourself. I know this already, know it is precisely this fetish of yours- to bring about and to hear and to feel a woman’s orgasm- that makes you so addictive. A detached part of me thinks it unfortunate. What will you do when alone? What about that imagination of yours? Will you have to flit from woman to woman as you yearn for the one to devote yourself fully to? It seems a shame.
But for now there is me, and you are comfortable with me.
I don’t even know what there is to tell you anymore. Tell you not to call? Tell you to keep on calling? I can say neither. I just wait. We will live out the limbo. I fill it with our orgasms, and the rest of the time I fill with blather and jokes.
My family will be visiting soon anyways, and that will give us a month to be truly cut off from each other. From then on, I’m sure it will be easier to move on. Either that, or we will be back where we started. Honestly, who cares?
The temptation to call you and ask for "just one more" visit is huge. I haven't had sex in months. I miss you. I feed off of you too, though I can manage alone. I try to resist.
I feel strangely relaxed. It is such a desperate situation that it leaves me calm and bare.
6 comments:
Learn - unusually, I'm lost for words - but I want to let you know I'm still with you.
*hugs n stuff*
FH
xxx
Dear FH,
I know the feeling. :)
Glad you're reading. Hugs n stuff are just fine.
Hugs back,
Learn
"Calm and bare," Learn, is an interesting place for YOU to find yourself. It sooo intensely descriptive -- I wonder how many blogs out there style themselves c&b. (Actually, I just Googled: there are 1,020 cites, many of which are Greek -- no, not the sexual preference, the language, dammit! And quite a few are Buddhist -- and a few are BOTH!)
I think, however, that I quite disapprove of T's tease (yes, I'm actually going to let that abomination stand!); I'm not worried, though, because you seem to disapprove of him just as much as I. No sex, with some character flirting madly from offstage is...still, no sex, as you suggest.
Can I get in on the hugs 'n stuff?
Ummmm, thanks!
J
Dear Justine,
Buddhist Greeks? Send them my way.
Calm and bare just sounded right. I guess try as I might, I cannot escape the Zen, huh? (Or is it the Zen who cannot escape me?)
This isn't something I kind of cover right until the end of the post err avalanche, but I find it hard to pass judgement on T. I've been in his position, on the other side of this equation, so I can recognize that it is a mistake, that it involves a true struggle, but that it also takes an intentional giving in to cruel carelessness in the face of your own need. I watched him do it, both the struggle and the giving in, and I think what shuts me up is my complicity, that I not only agreed to play along once he did give in, but that I was rooting for him to screw up, that I had hoped just for this. I wanted him to come to me one more time like this, in urgent need, no matter how positive his resolve.
So.. yeah..
And no, it's not the same as actually having sex, and it is a reminding tease. (Ts tease and Learns learn?)
You may get in on both the huggins and the stuffins hon!
Love and hugs,
Learn
I watched him do it, both the struggle and the giving in, and I think what shuts me up is my complicity, that I not only agreed to play along once he did give in, but that I was rooting for him to screw up, that I had hoped just for this. I wanted him to come to me one more time like this, in urgent need, no matter how positive his resolve.
It's hard to tell who leads and who follows, sometimes.
I've been where you are, but you say it far better than I ever could.
love
O
Dear O,
Thank you.
Though I have no doubt you could have said it better.
Love,
Learn
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