9. when we can- lure

Dear T,

You don't know this.

The first night in your house, I woke up early, alone in your guestroom. I got up and opened my door wide- on purpose.

I could not go back to sleep from the anticipation, though I was trying hard to quell it.

Nonsense, I tried to tell myself.

I wanted you, and I wanted you to want me.

I stole a book from your living room- a childhood favorite- and I read. Sentences jived and jumbled in my head.

I kept my bare legs uncovered though I was cold, left only your cat to keep my lap warm.

I remember the scene well because it was my own design. I saw myself doing it, telling myself all the while, nonsense, nonsense.

It was the only thing I knew to do. The only initiative my courage let me take.

I wanted you to find me and fuck me. And you did.