I am going to be busy in this coming month. But after a while of silence, I have suddenly came up with a long, long series of posts. 28 to be precise. Ouch. It is kind of my way of trying to tie up as many loose ends as I can. The only way I can really begin clear my head and take stock. Remember this was all written in a very short amount of time. And my titles suck because I don't have time to think of cool ones. And much of this will be long past by the time I finish posting it all. It might even change.
But in the very least, this place will not be abandoned.
Dear T,
When I can, I tell myself I shouldn’t write letters to you in my head anymore. There are very few to whom I do this. I think of how that was always the biggest sign that I loved you more than I cared to put into words.
Loved my version of you that is. I am not fully blind to that. (Though telling you I see it is a weak form of insurance.)
Love is a strong, mysterious word, and semantics is a game I cannot play, though the gods know I’ve tried, and too many posts where I have have gone unpublished over this year. But I am afraid now as I write this, because all other words -and arguments for these words- begin to look like cop-outs, escapes.
Love. It is not so hard after all, for all the hoopla.
5 comments:
Love is a magical, undeniable emotion and though we try so hard to control it, I doubt any of us ever succeed.
I've missed you - sorry I haven't been around to read and comment. I've been on a wonderful vacation with my honey for the past week! Yay us!
Ciao bella...your wonderful
anna:)
Anna!! I've missed you too! Glad you've been vacationing and that you had fun.
Myself, I've been keeping busy, gardening and cleaning and not putting up posts. :)
This was a difficult one to put up. I plan to do a whole series of these ones, let's see how it goes.
Thanks babe, for reading. And you're pretty wonderful yourself!
Learn
Yeah, no kidding, you HAVEN'T been putting up posts a whole lot -- that's not a gripe, babe, because you've left the odd message around the place, just when one gets edgy/desperate.
And you're in a complicated place now, wanting to move on, yet with the family coming to fuss over you a bit. And that hopefully gives breathing and/or thinking and/or reflecting space either to get over T or to...?
I'm looking forward to those 20-odd fragments or mini-essays, or whatever you've so methodically confected.
More hugs 'N STUFF! Justine
We always speak of love as if it were kind and gentle and 'loving'.
It's not; it's remorseless and inexorable.
I wish i could give you comfort now.
Love
O
Dear O,
I'm only just getting a chance to get back to you, the family have moved their troops into my house and it is an ongoing fight for my sanity.
I do so relish your comments though!
Yes, there is no shelter from love I think. I wish I could explain better what I mean about love being easy. That it is unforced? That it something that is already settled in, has already made itself comfy? Must go think.
Love,
Learn
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