missing mojo

What do you do when the friend you’re fucking feels like he's lost his mojo?

I am quite at loss. I’m slipping and sliding and bumbling. It’s delicate. I want to help as a friend, because he seems quite bummed about it. I also cannot deny wanting to help for my own ulterior motives. I’m trying. I don’t want to try too hard.

I woke up late this morning, groggy, saw him online, sent a hello.

T: I want my sexy confidence back. :(

A quick pause.

L: Maybe I can help. :)

It was that same silly thought lingering from the post before. It’s the first thing that popped into my head really. I’m a bit of a ditz that way sometimes.

Did I have this idea that I could follow with this incredible, absolutely sexy declaration that would just make him go ‘sproing’? If this was possible, I sure couldn’t think of anything to say that would have that effect.

I hadn’t thought it out. The second I pressed enter was when I started to.

I suppose I was thinking that maybe it would help to just jump right back into the swing of things, hope for the best.

Come to my lair baby, I’ll show you a good time ??? As much as I’d love to believe that I have this sexual energy that’s utterly contagious, that there’s something in me that might help, I have to be realistic. An overzealous female in heat might just send his cowering libido further into its corner.

No, there should be no pressure from me.

And I suppose it's not really up to me either. I think that’s why I’m so nervous. If this was with someone I had commited to for the long haul, we could just take responsibility for it together, sit down, plug at it, try to figure something out. But as is, it’s not really my problem. My loss definitely, but not my problem.

I don’t want to make him uncomfortable, take on the role of his ‘caring girlfriend’. But fuck it, I do care, I do want him happy. I’m like this with everyone I know, never mind the guy I’m having sex with who I’ve exchanged emails with for two years.

But too much concern and it is just another weight on him.

I want to tell him too that he has so much going for him, he should never feel any thing less than confident sexually. He has a splendid imagination, he has rhythm and pacing, he has strength and stamina, he has excitement and passion, he has a sensitive eye for a woman’s cues. (Well at least my cues.) And the package that all this comes in sure helps too. Not to mention the yummy package he's been endowed with. :)

It doesn’t feel natural saying all this to him like that, as though he’d been trying to fish for a compliment to boost his ego. And he’s worried about how he’s feeling now anyways, not how he’s been before.

I have this sudden urge to ask: Isn’t there anyone else around who lives closer by who you can call for a little bit of play?

Strange thought. Strange suggestion, like I'm his play coordinator or something?? I sense in it a bit of just me wanting to run away from what I just said about helping him, rather than just looking out for his welfare. But some sincererity in it too I think.

Again though, I’m not even sure taking the plunge, despite not feeling it 100% ready, is a good idea in the first place.

Maybe he should just take it slow. Maybe I should just leave him be.

Maybe I should try to help him figure out what it is about the accident that is deep-down bothering him so much….

What am I, an analyst?

An over-analyzer maybe.

Please don’t ask me how I might help. Please don’t ask me how.

T: how?

Crap. A long panicky silence.

L: See (L) says these things, but she doesn’t actually think about how.
L: Um.. I’ll think of something though.

Crap.

T: lol

Ugh. Escaped to take a shower, hoping for increased blood flow. Came back to ask him a question about thoughts on his accident, watched it belly flop with a magnificent splash.

Finally I settled on admitting that saying ‘I can help’ earlier had been a little presumptuous of me. But that if he could think of anything I could do to help, I was around. That if he thought a visit together with no expectations, or just light play, or anything else might help, I was all for it.

I think that’s good enough. What would you have said?