orgasm - study I

T has a recording of me sitting on his computer. (No not a recording of me while I sit on his computer. The recording is doing the sitting. In so far as recordings can sit.)

Anyways… It is a recording of a talk of ours that took place 20 minutes before I was about to leave the house to go catch the bus.

It starts off with a rustle of the microphone being adjusted. Then you hear a girl’s voice, nervous, expectant. She sounds small but calm, and she says

yes… yeah…alright.. ok I’ll try

If you could listen on the other side, this is what you would hear:

This time around I want you to tell me when you’re cumming.. It’s an incredible feeling to be able to communicate right before an orgasm. So tell me , let me know, right when you’re going to cum.

I have always enjoyed actually my collapse of language (and many other mind functions) in the moments right before I come. I could see though how it might be fun to try and find words anyways. Ok I need a subject, me, me, I’m the subject, I, now a verb, it is a verb next right?, Quick, quick the verb. Hurry, I’m cumming and I’ve got to say it. (Alright I’ll stop being corny, sorry.)

And then of course, there’s the working of the larynx that has other noisy plans, so you can actually get the words out. Yes, I could see how it could be interesting. Embarrassing maybe.. (‘I’m cumming! I’m cumming!’ I mean really, it’s been done. And where are they coming from? That’s what I always want to know when I hear it.) But still… interesting.

I won’t go through the whole recording because I think you may be getting tired already of hearing about our phone sex. It must sound repetitive at times, although of course it is not, there is a different feel to it every time. But suffice to say I did manage to say something that sounded like ‘I’m cumming’ before I was about to cum. I might have heralded it a second too soon, but for a first try it was not too bad. (I also managed to land on the phone right afterwards. So actually what you really hear in the recording is ‘Imcumming…aaa…*dial tone*… fuck!’ No one said I was graceful.)

God damn, I’m in a goofy mood. It’s too bad. I had some ‘serious’ points to discuss here.

Oh yes, my first point was that actually there was a power to the experience. The power of communication, yes. But also the power of being able to identify exactly when an orgasm is coming on. Which actually, I’ve never been really good at.

There’s another thing I’m not really good at, and it came up, when I finally managed to call him back. (I have a finicky phone.)

He asked me how I would rate my orgasm. On a scale of one to ten.

I was befuddled. ??There’s a scale for these things?

How much on the scale do I drop my orgasm if I couldn’t enjoy it fully because I landed on the phone?

So I gave him a number, pretty arbitrarily. I went for 8. If it were up to me, as opposed to the rules of scaling, I’d give every orgasm a 10. And then just add pluses now and then for fun, when I felt more enthusiastic than normal. (And there could be many intertwined reasons for that enthusiasm: my body, my mind, the weather)

But he had another question. What was my favorite orgasm?

More kerfluxion. (I don’t think that’s a word. But doesn’t it just sound confused?)

You can hear my answer on the recording, because I was still lying in bed and hadn’t bothered to get up to shut off the mic.

‘My favorite orgasm? I don’t know.. I never thought about it… that way’

I really hadn’t. He let it go, because we were both worn out, and I had to run to catch my bus.

I really never have tried to compare different orgasms. Partly because I am very much a mind fuckee (and fucker). And though I’m trying to be more aware of it, I do not actually listen to my body much during sex. I respond to it, but I don’t know exactly which parts of it are working or why or in what way. This would be a good skill to acquire, I know, and I’m working on it. So I thank him for bringing it up.

I know some orgasms must be better than others, but when I try to compare, it is like comparing apples and oranges.... and bananas and kumquats and carambolas.

(Mmm carambolas.. OK I just like saying that. Say it with me - carambolas. Also known as star fruit. A very pretty fruit too, five pointed corners when you cut it transversely, not much of an odor, sweet and sour, flesh not too soft or hard, kinda stringy but juicy. I’ll tell you when I get an orgasm that’s like a carambola.)

Some orgasms are soft and gentle and make you smile. Some are hard and intense and make you scream. Some roll and unfold, some just explode. Some are big and expansive and steamer-roll over you, others are small and contained and pin you to the spot. You may prefer one over the other, but me, I have difficulties choosing. Anyways, I shouldn’t have to. They are all good, all all good. I wouldn’t want to offend them by choosing one over the other. The only bad orgasm is no orgasm. (Although I must note too that sex without orgasm can also be a happy thing as long as you’re having fun)

But now yesterday on the phone it came up again, but in a different form.

When I was writing 'at the doorway', I actually got myself quite worked up. I had to stop. I had to stop and take a break. A busy break. I wanted to feel an orgasm too, so I could put the steam of that into the last part.

Things were just on that day. I don’t know whether it was just like that from the beginning, and that is why I started writing, or if it was the writing that got me to that state. But I could feel it as soon as I started, that I was going to cum, and cum very fast, and maybe because of the fast, it was going to be very intense. So I stopped and set up the microphone again. And I was right, because what I got was a (wincingly embarrassing to me) recording of me moaning like a screaming banshee (screaming like a moaning banshee?) right when I came. And I managed to announce it right before too, quite coherently, made me proud.

So I sent him this recording. (He’s going to have quite a collection soon!) And I told him about it, how it was very intense and how he will be able to tell when he hears it.

He liked it, and he told me later that he had to go to his room and make a wet mess upon hearing it . (Wet messes, mmm) But he had an interesting question to ask as a result of my description of it.

Which of my orgasms were better, the ones during sex with him, or during masturbation? And (here’s the even more difficult part), I had to put aside the mental aspect (he called it emotional, but I prefer mental) of two people sharing an experience during sex, and just talk from a purely ‘physical’ point of view.

Errr.

Don’t be harsh on him, because I know he doesn’t ask in the normal jealous way. He has admitted there is some insecurity in that question, yes. But mostly he is just curious, and wants to know where things stand.

So it has been decided.. I will study my orgasms for T. (Actually mostly for me, but he's the one who brought it up.) I will dissect them and report to him my findings. And to you as well of course.

(…to be continued when I am feeling more sane and less silly)

(and less obsessed with annoying parentheses)