(..continued from 45 minutes)
Afterwards, T makes a call and manages to arrange an extra 10 minutes or so for us. Which means we have 15 minutes before I must leave.
I take a quick shower and then he goes in to take one too. When he is done, he calls me from the bathroom, asking if I want to come inside. We don’t have much time to chat so this seems like a good way to grab a little extra.
He is naked, drying himself off in the bathtub with a towel. I’m probably licking my lips. I feel regret. Some other time.
I am hyper and giggly the way I always am after sex. Relaxed and reenergized, but still a bit dazed and blank.
He does look very appealing. I am insatiable. It distracts from conversation. He has this after shower hulky freshness I want to fuck. We talk about his tan from camping and he shows me the back of his neck to show the darkest part of it. I take the opportunity to look down at the rest of his body, broad back, curve of ass perfect for my palm. I reach out to touch his fluffy hair, it is always softer than I expect it to be. It’s all wet and spiked up away from his face like I haven’t seen it before. I joke that I like this style on him. I do though. I can’t help it, I’m watching him, appraising him. His blue eyes flash at the end of his smile, and I always forget that too, that you cannot miss all that live blue when he opens it wide like that. Yes I definitely want to fuck him again.
He talks about this girl he’s met on the Internet who wants to travel quite a ways to meet him. I just listen and nod. It’s not that I mind, I’m kind of interested to know. But it is difficult to know what to say to that, difficult to even know how to look. It is new and I wonder in fact how my face looks.
He tells me she is quite hot. There is surprise, mixed with pride and excitement, maybe a little bit of reluctance to accept the responsibility, that she should want to invest so much time and money to see him, to have sex with him. I just paid a mini-fortune in cab money so I could get to him in time, so I can sort of see why she would want to do it. I don’t say that.
I go into his kitchen for a glass of water while he gets dressed. He calls to me from the other room:
‘You’re kinda into girls right? Well I mean not into- maybe but-’
‘Yes kinda’
Kinda. There’s a lot in that kinda to explore.
‘I should show you this picture I got, you might enjoy it…probably more than me in fact’
He comes in with a photo. I see a flash of a sexy girl. Again, what to say? I possibly look a bit bemused. I ask only:
‘Story?’
He laughs.
‘Nothing… just a girl I might meet’
I look closer. She is sexy. Gorgeous in fact. Asian eyes, shiny hair, lovely skin, nice body.
We discuss how hot she is. I agree with him, even show some enthusiasm, but a little part of me holds back. I feel the strangeness of the situation. I feel a flash of ugly competitive jealousy. I want to know all of a sudden, I want to be as hot as she is to him in his eyes. I notice myself feeling it, I let myself think it, and then it passes.
On my way out. he says he’s used to my quiet routine by now, but he reminds me that if I’m not going to talk about it, he better get to read some writing about it later. I laugh, he doesn’t have to ask me twice to write, I do it because I have to.
5 comments:
Wow, wow, wow! Your messing with a lot of emotions there!!
Sounds like a hard road to travel with T possibly meeting other girls, but when my honey and I lived apart he was allowed to be with other girls. Sometimes freedom can be liberating, you have to realize what it is that you really want from the relationship and if you can attain that in the current situation. (from my experience of course)
Also from my experience, being intimate with a woman (not necessarily the whole kit-and-caboodle, even just touching and cuddling) is so incredibly different from being with a man; its unimaginable! Obviously I love it, but I heed caution about doing it for anyone but yourself.
Be safe girl!!
(another long comment for ya, thanks for telling me you don't mind, your posts spark so much thought for me!)
anna:)
anna, i lap up your insightful comments with much greed and pleasure :))
yes, so much to think about, i've been trying to stay aware and do what feels right.
thanks.
Gosh, Learn, that was an exhilerating piece to find and ponder. And, a real bonus, Anna's reaction -- which sooooo closely parallels mine. Darling L, you can relax -- with the two of us patrolling the "what if's" and "how do you...?" aspects of your exciting existence, you can just follow your bliss. We'll be the lawyers on the sidelines, figuring the risks, dragging in our own (largely irrelevant) experiences, etc.
Just what you need - a multi-headed sea anchor!
Hugs, J
ps I love seeing my lowly blog on your front-page list -- I'm actually a teeeny bit turned on...
What a fabulous comment Justine!!.. It left me with a big grin on my face.
I absolutely love the idea of 'lawyers' on the sidelines bringing in their experience to advise me.
My goal is, after all, to 'learn'. :)
Especially with the novelty of the past week, I've found myself posting in grossly vast detail, hoping people could identify with some part of it.
Thank you so much!
Love, Learn
Note: Lowly blog?? If your blog didn't turn me on, it wouldn't be on my list :)
Hi, Learn! I hope your software tells you when you get a new comment on an older posting. I just now accidently surfed onto this item, finding Anna's and my own comments quite unexpectedly! What a nice thing to happen! Especially reading your oh-so-sweet reply again after the intervening time...
Well, as it happens, I guess Anna and I haven't given you much advice in the meantime. But, for that matter, you don't seem to need it. I hope things with T are still proceeding well. And I'll spend more time on your current postings.
A great big hug!! Justine
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