Friday, August 12, 2005

3. my story - enter T

Around a year into my relationship, I got a response to my ad, which read something like this:

You have HONESTLY HONESTLY HONESTLY the most genuine profile here I have read in a long time

If my formal sounding profile or my age (he’s 5 years older than me) doesn't scare you off, then please consider responding to me. I have a huge love of life and a passion for living it. I have spent my whole life pursuing my dreams - not following a pre-determined path, and thus I message you - you with the mysterious look on your face and with such truthful things to say about life.

(…..)

Take a chance and reply - I promise you honesty and a few laughs - as that is all 'some guy from the internet' can promise!

Take a chance and reply. So I did.

20-something responses sitting unreplied in my inbox. But I replied to him.

It wasn’t even his profile that made me do it, because as he said, his ad was quite stiff and told me very little about him except that he was a professional musician.

But his response. ...A strange combination of energy, sincerity and flattery. Just enough to hook me in.

I replied back pretty flippantly. Something along the lines of how I was pretty busy with university but if he dropped me a note, I would probably get around to answering him eventually.

It seemed harmless enough. But I wasn’t exactly rushing to tell my boyfriend about it either.

So my life split a little bit, a tiny crack, a parallel existence to explore on the side. Two stories to tell and I’ll never really know how intertwined the two are.

All the events in our lives feed off each other, conspire to push us to where our minds knew we had to go all along. Call it chance, call it fate, call it intuition.

Call it what you will, but this much I can admit. I know a part of me wanted T to be the tiny Thorn in the side of my relationship. I kept him around as a little itch, a little reaction under a hidden area of my skin, to remind me of what else I could have.

I would be a liar if I claimed any different. And a fool.

Then again I haven’t always been wise. Nor can I say that I will ever be.

2 comments:

anna said...

I feel like a kid with a new book who read the last page. Every installment of your story with T draws me further and further into your world.

Keep it up girl!

learn said...

thanks anna!

even though i decided to write this out for myself, to make things clearer to me: it's so nice to know you're reading!