He says wryly that he’s afraid of what he’s awoken in me.
That soon I will get to the point where I will be able to take a man and throw him on a bed and ride him relentlessly and walk away.
That he will leave for a month or two and when he comes back, he will find I have met and fucked man after man. That I will go on some kind of rampage. Reach insanely high levels of promiscuity.
That makes me laugh.
To me, nothing could be more off base.
There is so much at stake for me every time I interact with someone. That effort it takes to trust someone with my anything.
I don’t think I’ll ever be that brave.
Also, I tend to want to push the limits of how deep I can go with each person first.
I prefer rolling film to brief snapshots.
Having sex with that many people?
I can see how it might be fun, but mostly, it sounds exhausting. I need more focus than that… It’s not something I would get too much out of, I don’t think.
In other words, I don’t have the time, energy , courage or even inclination. .
Course if something (or someone) else came up I wouldn’t turn it down flat. But I don’t think I’ll ever find myself way on the other end of that spectrum.
When you’ve got as many caution brakes as I have, you could skid to a halting stop on any slope, no matter how slippery.
But I do wonder what kind of vibes I’m giving off, for him to be joking about that.
(...to be continued)
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