dissapointed

argh.. im so pissed at myself right now.
called him, he was drowsily lounging in bed. sexy morning voice.it was hot as hell, i was horny too, but i couldn't say a word!!
i said i liked picturing him there, lying sleepily, groaning a bit as he tried to wake up. he said he was in the kind of mood where he just wants to be ridden slowly.mmm.and i laughed and said 'yes i'd like to play with you for a bit first though'and then...
nothing. silence. couldn't form a sentence. increasing silence killing me. wanted to just panic and shut the phone. after five minutes of utter quiet, him trying to wake up, and me trying not to pass out (hehe)..
he said, 'you need to talk hon i'm going to fall back asleep otherwise'
but nope. couldn't do it.finally told him i was a bit nervous, couldn't explain why but i was.. i said i was sorry, he said he was sorry if he made me nervous, then he said it's ok, he'll just get up and go eat, wished me a good afternoon. then we said our goodbyes and... voila!
sigh. part of my reason for wanting to do this with him was pushing back fears, and overcoming challenges.. but at times..i lose courage too fast. :(